1. Love
yourself
Unless you love yourself, it's hard for you
to believe that anyone else will.
Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship.
When you truly like yourself, in spite of any
failings and weaknesses you may have, you'll
feel confident. And when you feel confident
and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being
with your partner for the joy they bring to
your life, not because you feel you need them
to survive.
If you've had bad experiences in the past,
it's worth working through these issues with
a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting
to lean on your partner and rely on them for
reassurance, but the stronger you are as an
individual, the stronger and more equal your
relationship will be.
2. Like your partner
Healthy relationships happen between two people
who really like each other. It may be more romantic
to talk about love, but it's important to remember
that love is an emotion that comes and goes.
If you genuinely like each other, enjoy being
together, agree with how each other thinks and
behaves, and share the same dreams in life,
then loving feelings will never be too far away.
It's important to tell your partner you like
them, too. Warm words of encouragement and support
build trust and respect. Add the odd compliment
as well and you'll be helping to boost their
self-esteem.
3. Make quality time
The importance of things can be measured by
the amount of time we're willing to give them.
When a couple first gets together, they instinctively
prioritise their relationship. But as time goes
by and life gets busier with work and children,
time together often slips down the list of priorities.
If you don't spend regular quality time together,
chances are you'll drift apart. Making such
time for each other may mean sacrificing other
activities, but remember it's an investment
in your future happiness.
4. Communicate
Good communication is essential for a healthy
relationship. It's the only way you can tell
your partner who you are, what you want and
why you behave the way you do. Talking is the
way we let each other into our private worlds.
Communicating better is about learning to say
openly and honestly exactly what you think and
feel. It also means listening to your partner
without judgement. For more see Talk
and listen.
5. Argue well
It's important to accept that arguments are
a normal part of a relationship. We're all unique
and so we're bound to have our differences.
Couples who argue well don't have to worry
about not always agreeing. A good argument is
an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen
your bond by reaching a decision you're both
happy with. It can be an experience that leaves
you both feeling more confident about your relationship
and brings you closer together.
6. Touch every day
Touching is a vital human need. Studies have
shown that without touching, many animals -
including humans - will die in childhood. Being
caressed also lowers blood pressure and releases
natural opiates in the brain, as well as the
chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human
pair-bonding.
Touch has the power to comfort and support,
to protect and encourage, to relax and, of course,
to arouse. Every couple knows their sex life
may have dry periods, but our need for physical
affection never changes.
7. Accept change
People change over the years and it's these
changes that can keep a relationship alive.
Life changes too - and not always in ways that
we want.
Change can provide opportunities for growth
and intimacy, but it can also be painful. It
may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking
or a new way of life. It may also mean letting
go of things that have been familiar and safe.
In successful relationships, couples learn
to adapt and change together. They accept that
change is an inevitable part of human life and
support each other, for better for worse.
Keeping all seven principles going isn't easy,
but the more you can manage on a regular basis,
the stronger your relationships will be.
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