The asker
You and your partner should take it in
turns, on alternate days, to be the asker.
When it's your turn, think of something you'd
like from your partner during that day. The
request should be specific, realistic and achievable.
Avoid vague requests like "Be affectionate"
or "Be nice to me." Choose instead things like
"Kiss me goodbye" or "Take the dog out for me."
(For further more ideas, see below.)
When you ask, you need to make it clear it's
that day's intimacy request.
Remember
The aim of the exercise is to build intimacy,
so keep your requests small and specific.
Asking for things you know your partner
won't want to do is likely to make you feel
further apart, not closer together.
The giver
As the person being asked, you have the
right to say no to any intimacy request. In
this case, the asker can't have another request
that day and has to wait until it's their turn
again.
Because both partners are able to say no, it's
unlikely that a reasonable request will be turned
down as the giver knows they may be jeopardising
their request the next day.
Possible requests
- Let's go for a walk.
- Bring me a cup of tea in bed.
- Give me a hug.
- Buy me flowers.
- Say you love me.
- Give me a massage or a foot rub.
- Talk to me about your day.
- Do a household chore.
- Phone me during the day.
- Let's watch TV or a film together.
- Send me a text message.
- Meet me online during the day.
If you keep the exercise going,
you'll find that in a few weeks it becomes easier
to ask for what you want, and receiving requests
feels more natural. If it's working well, you
might decide to drop the formality of alternate
days and build intimacy requests into your relationship
routine.
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