Preparation
You'll need a pen and some paper.
Make sure you have a reasonable block of time,
say 30 minutes, when you won't be disturbed.
If you're struggling to remember when you first
met, dig out some old photographs and spend
time reminiscing. Take a sheet of paper and
divide it into three.
In the first column write down all the character
and behavioural traits that first attracted
you to your partner. For example:
- easy-going
- fun-loving
- affectionate
- looked after their appearance
In the second column write
down how you felt about those traits and how
they made you feel when you were together.
For example, you might enjoy someone's easy-going
nature because they let you choose where to
go, and you might be proud to be with someone
who takes time looking after their appearance.
Tip: If you do this exercise
when you're feeling angry or upset with
your partner you will get quite a different
picture, so make sure you're in a reasonable
frame of mind.
In the third column, write down how you feel
about your partner's character traits now. For
many things you may feel the same, but for others
you may feel quite different.
For example, you may now find someone who is
easy-going frustrating because they won't make
a decision and you may be irritated by the vanity
of the person who looks after their appearance.
When you've finished this exercise you should
be able to see that there's a good and bad side
to every character trait.
Now it's up to you to decide if you want to
accept the good with the bad. An easy-going
person may let you do what you want but, on
the other hand, you don't want to live with
a slob. If you feel something really needs to
change, take a look at Resolving
issues.
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