Post-wedding blues You've packed away the dress, eaten the cake and written your thank-you letters - now married life starts for real. But for some couples, it's a huge anticlimax. Lets look at how to avoid the comedown.

In this article

Postnuptial depression The real cost of weddings

Settling down Getting off to a good start

It has been estimated that for one in ten new spouses, the anticlimax of married life is so severe it develops into what is known as postnuptial depression. This increasingly common condition can continue for months, leaving sufferers feeling disillusioned, confused and even questioning if getting married was a mistake.

But when so much as been invested in the wedding, it's no wonder so many people experience such a comedown.

Financial - according to a 2004 report from Mintel, the average cost of a wedding is now just under £16,000, an increase of 50 per cent since 1998. This means many couples have huge debts to contend with in the early years of marriage, and dreams of buying things for their home, evenings out or weekends away are often a financial impossibility.

Physical - many couples are running on adrenaline before the wedding, especially in the final weeks. When they finally get a chance to relax, it's not uncommon for their bodies to slide into exhaustion and become plagued with viruses that their immune systems have been able to fight off until now.

Emotional - by far the biggest investment in a wedding is the emotional one. On top of the hopes and expectations of marriage itself and the occasional niggling doubts, there are the dreams of the big day itself. Bridal magazines promote fantasies that rival any fairy tale. There's also the joy and anxiety of bringing friends and families together in one place.

It's no wonder that after the wedding itself is over, many couples feel flat and empty. The emotional roller coaster is at the end of the line and it's time to get off and get on with the rest of life.

Settling into a daily routine as a couple can take time. Even if you lived together before the wedding, it's quite natural to have the occasional pangs of wistfulness over your single days.

Many people find the early months of marriage are full of differences of opinion. Both partners want to make sure things are right from the start, and often trivial issues get blown out of proportion.

Most problems revolve around different expectations of what being married actually means. One partner might look forward to lots of cosy evenings in, while the other wants to spend more time focusing on their career.

You might find the exercise Marriage fears and expectations useful in helping you both talk through what you expect from married life.

Here are some of the most common areas of disagreements within a marriage, as well as articles to help you manage them.

Money - this is the biggest cause of arguments among couples and goes much deeper than how money should be spent. Money represents how much we value things and also how much influence we have. See Money trouble.

Housework - it may seem a trivial thing to fall out over, but underneath the arguments often lie issues of fairness, respect, care and love. See Housework hassles.

Sex - it's assumed that all newly-weds have perfect sex lives, but that often isn't the case. Many couples are too busy for sex or find they're struggling with sexual problems or fears of sex becoming boring. There are lots of articles and exercises on sexual awareness, improving your sex life and overcoming sexual problems.

Intimacy - it's especially important in the early days of a relationship to build intimacy into your routine. Life will always be busy, but once you've established positive ways of relating, they'll stay with you throughout your marriage. Try the exercise Do you feel loved?

Communication - whatever your differences, good communication skills can help you sort things out quickly. Try the exercises Talk and listen and Resolving issues.

Managing conflict - every relationship has issues that are harder to resolve. The article What are you really arguing about? can give you some insight into what's really going on. You can also learn the "rules of a row" in Productive arguing.

Being married is a new experience and you should expect it to take time for you both to adjust. But with love, patience, respect and understanding it's possible to live happily ever after.