What to do
You can do this exercise together or separately
before talking it through later.
Take six sheets of paper each and write the
headings below at the top of each sheet. (These
headings are from one of the common marriage
ceremonies. You may have chosen something different
for yourselves, these are just useful for this
exercise.)
- To have and to hold
- From this day forward
- For better, for worse
- For richer, for poorer
- In sickness and in health
- To love and to cherish
Take as much time as you need
to write under each heading what you think each
one is about, all the things you hope and your
doubts and your fears.
Helping hand
These questions may help you complete
the sheets
To have and to hold - what
does being a couple mean? Where do you stand
on faithfulness? How much time do you want to
spend together and apart? What things will you
share and what should be private?
From this day forward - what
are your feelings about commitment? How do you
feel about divorce? How might the relationship
change over the years? Where do children fit
into your plans?
For better for worse - how
will you keep intimacy going in your relationship?
How will you manage differences? What will you
do if big issues arise?
For richer for poorer - what
does marriage mean to you financially? Will
your attitudes towards employment change?
In sickness and in health
- how will you support each other during ill
health and times of sadness and difficulty?
To love and to cherish - how
will love be demonstrated in your marriage?
How important will sex be in your relationship?
Once you've finished, take some time to talk
through what you've written. Think about where
some of your feelings have come from.
Further help
If doing this exercise leaves you feeling
uncomfortable or with concerns about your relationship,
try talking it through with your partner or
a trusted friend. Or, you might want to consider
seeing a relationship counsellor. To find out
more, see Do
you need counselling?
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