Why
we
get
angry
Disagreements
and
tension
are
bound
to
arise
when
we
live
with
someone.
The
key
to
a
successful
relationship
is
learning
to
express
our
feelings
and
resolve
such
conflicts,
and
most
of
us
develop
our
own
ways
of
coping
with
these
minor
frustrations.
Sometimes,
however,
overwhelming
feelings
of
anger
can
consume
us.
These
may
be
caused
by
a
single
major
event,
such
as
the
discovery
of
an
affair,
or
can
be
the
result
of
something
that
leaves
us
feeling
let
down
on
a
regular
basis,
such
as
lack
of
attention.
Causes
of
anger
Some
situations
are
more
likely
to
leave
us
struggling
with
strong
feelings
of
anger
than
others.
When
it's
a
shock
-
when
a
partner
does
something
unexpected
it
can
take
a
long
time
for
feelings
of
anger
to
recede.
You
may
also
feel
confused
and
betrayed.
When
it's
deliberate
-
it's
much
easier
to
let
go
of
anger
when
the
person
who
caused
it
never
meant
it
to
happen
in
the
first
place.
If
it
was
done
deliberately
or
maliciously
it's
much
harder
to
forgive.
When
it's
happened
before
-
if
someone
repeatedly
hurts
or
frustrates
us,
anger
often
builds
up.
You
may
also
feel
powerless
and
exhausted.
When
we're
vulnerable
-
at
certain
times
in
our
lives,
during
pregnancy
or
illness
for
example,
we
expect
more
of
our
partners
and
can
feel
particularly
let
down
by
them.
When
it
brings
back
memories
-
if
we've
been
hurt
in
the
past,
we're
more
likely
to
react
badly
to
a
similar
event
later
in
life.
Often
the
old
hurt
is
reignited,
doubling
the
amount
of
anger.
When
they're
not
sorry
-
if
a
partner
refuses
to
accept
they
were
responsible
for
the
hurt
or
that
you've
even
got
a
right
to
feel
aggrieved,
it
can
be
difficult
to
let
go
of
such
feelings.
The
impact
on
a
relationship
Ongoing
anger
causes
serious
damage
to
relationships.
For
some
couples
it
can
mean
almost
daily
arguments;
others
are
better
at
suppressing
the
anger,
but
this
nearly
always
means
other
feelings
are
suppressed
too.
If
discussing
the
problem
seems
too
difficult,
but
talking
about
something
else
seems
too
trivial,
conversation
can
cease
completely.
Unresolved
anger
often
leads
to
physical
distance
and
sexual
problems.
For
some
couples,
the
event
that
caused
the
anger
might
become
less
important,
but
the
rift
it
caused
may
be
impossible
to
bridge.
The
impact
on
our
health
When
we
get
angry,
our
bodies
automatically
go
into
'flight
or
fight'
mode
and
are
flooded
with
chemicals
that
put
us
on
high
alert.
The
heart
rate
and
breathing
quickens,
muscles
become
tense
and
senses
become
heightened.
This
state
of
high
alert
is
perfectly
natural
-
but
only
for
short
periods.
Living
with
permanent
feelings
of
anger
means
the
body
is
forced
to
stay
in
this
acute
state,
which
in
time
can
lead
to
high
blood
pressure,
headaches,
stomach
problems
and
a
lowered
immune
system.
The
impact
on
our
emotions
When
we're
angry
about
someone's
actions,
we
can
become
trapped
in
the
past,
replaying
the
event
or
events
over
and
over
again
in
our
minds.
They
may
also
imagine
or
even
seek
out
opportunities
for
revenge.
This
can
help
to
increase
feelings
of
power
and
control
in
a
relationship,
but
offers
only
temporary
relief.
Anger
can
damage
self-esteem
too.
Many
of
us
are
taught
that
anger
is
wrong,
so
you
may
feel
bad
about
your
feelings,
even
if
they're
justified.
Or
you
may
try
to
excuse
the
other
person's
actions
and
decide
that
you
in
some
way
deserved
what
happened.
When
anger
is
turned
inwards
in
this
way
it
often
leads
to
depression.
Learning
to
let
go
Choosing
to
let
go
of
anger
is
something
only
you
can
do
for
yourself,
not
for
your
partner.
It's
never
a
guarantee
that
the
relationship
will
improve,
but
it's
a
guarantee
that
-
in
time
-
you'll
start
feeling
better.
It's
important
to
remind
yourself
that
you're
not
necessarily
letting
your
partner
off
the
hook
or
forgetting
what
happened.
You're
letting
go
of
the
anger
for
your
benefit,
no
one
else's.
Once
the
process
has
started,
you
may
feel
clearer
about
what
you
want
to
do
about
your
relationship.
You
may
have
renewed
energy
to
work
at
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