The
effect
of
a
sudden
onset
of
illness
in
a
relationship
has
been
likened
to
a
bereavement.
Once
the
initial
feelings
of
shock
have
passed,
there
may
be
times
of
immense
anger.
There
may
also
be
feelings
of
regret
and
guilt
over
what
has
not
been
done
during
earlier
years.
Gradually,
these
feelings
change
into
sadness
and
loss.
Many
people
feel
they
have
to
deal
with
these
emotions
alone,
and
may
become
isolated
and
resentful.
But
when
couples
are
able
to
talk
openly,
it
can
be
a
time
when
they
grow
closer.
Terminal
illness
When
an
illness
is
diagnosed
as
terminal,
the
remaining
time
together
can
be
a
mix
of
bittersweet
moments.
There's
also
often
a
sense
of
urgency
to
make
the
most
of
every
moment
you
have
left.
Some
couples
find
themselves
slipping
back
to
earlier
feelings
of
intense
connection,
but
for
others
there
can
be
a
distressing
feeling
of
growing
separateness.
In
some
people,
the
knowledge
that
they'll
soon
be
alone
creates
the
need
to
begin
psychological
and
emotional
distancing.
This
is
usually
completely
unconscious
and
a
natural
response
to
try
to
soften
the
blow
of
the
inevitable
ending.
From
partner
to
patient
Some
couples
find
that
when
a
partner
becomes
a
patient,
the
relationship
feels
more
like
parent
and
child
rather
than
equals.
Finding
ways
to
adapt
to
a
new
model
of
partnership
will
help
you
to
ensure
your
relationship
continues
to
be
fulfilling.
It's
important
that
you're
both
able
to
feel
a
sense
of
independence
and
autonomy.
The
ability
to
do
that
will
vary
enormously
depending
on
your
circumstances,
and
you
may
have
to
be
creative
and
enlist
the
support
of
others
to
make
that
possible.
Keeping
communication
at
an
adult
level
-
avoiding
slipping
into
childlike
exchanges
-
will
also
help
to
maintain
a
sense
of
equality
within
the
relationship.
Remember
- Talk
regularly
and
openly.
- Encourage
times
of
autonomy
-
and
times
when
your
caring
roles
can
be
reversed.
- Be
sensual
through
taste
by
trying
new
foods
together.
- Create
a
sensual
atmosphere
with
candles
and
aromatherapy
oils.
- Enjoy
physical
intimacy
with
hand
or
foot
massages,
perhaps,
bathing
together
and
lots
of
hugs.
- Laugh
together.
Physical
intimacy
Physical
intimacy
is
an
important
part
of
most
relationships.
Some
couples
think
that
when
one
of
them
is
ill
or
has
a
disability,
they
should
give
up
their
sex
lives,
but
this
needn't
be
the
case.
Many
couples
enjoy
finding
new
ways
to
be
sensual
together
and
regaining
physical
intimacy.
In
fact,
the
increased
creativity
required
to
fit
around
bodily
limitations
can
make
sex
better
than
ever.
If
you
experience
sexual
problems
as
a
result
of
your
condition
or
medication,
there
are
a
wide
range
of
medical
interventions
available.
Speak
to
your
doctor
about
appropriate
options
or
you
might
find
some
useful
information
in
'Where
to
get
help',
below.
Love
can
grow
in
sickness
and
in
health
if
you
both
commit
to
sharing
your
feelings
(no
matter
how
hard
that
may
feel)
and
both
learn
to
adapt
as
circumstances
change.
And
remember,
even
if
you
can't
be
sexual
together
anymore
you
can
still
be
sensual.
Touch
is
an
essential
part
of
being
human,
so
take
every
opportunity
to
be
close.
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