Attitudes towards
money
People's attitudes towards money
vary enormously and are largely influenced
by the values they were brought up with
and, to a certain extent, how much money
they have now.
Assuming there's enough money to keep
a roof over your head and buy basic
food stuffs, what you do with the rest
of your money will depend on your particular
attitude. The following three statements
broadly sum up the most common attitudes
to money in today's western culture:
1. Money is for enjoying
- money is for spending on the things
that make you happy. No one knows what
the future may hold, so you should enjoy
what you have when you have it. Money's
no use when you're dead, so live for
today.
2. Money is for security
- money should be spent on making life
comfortable. Once you have the basic
home comforts, it's important to have
money put aside for a rainy day. No
one knows what the future may hold,
so it's sensible to be prepared.
3. Money is for sharing
- money should be shared generously
with those you love and those less fortunate
than yourself. Buying presents, entertaining
others and giving money to charity creates
feelings in yourself and others that
are priceless. No one knows what the
future may hold, and some day you may
need the favour returned.
Negotiating the money
minefield
If you and your partner have the
same attitude towards money, the only
thing you need to agree on is who's
going to manage the income and expenditure.
(To see if you share the same attitude,
see Your
financial agreement.)
If your attitudes are quite different,
you'll need to agree on some basic budget
priorities, such as how much money you'll
spend on household essentials and bills,
how much on leisure and entertainment,
and how much you'll save. For help with
this, see Creating
a monthly budget.
However, if you find that no matter
how hard you try to sort out your money
differences you still end up arguing,
perhaps money isn't the issue at all.
Money
can't buy you love
If you're financially challenged,
try some of these low-budget romantic
tips:
- Buy a cheap bottle of bubble
bath and share a sud-tub.
- Spend an evening dancing to
your favourite songs.
- Drag the duvet on to the sofa,
close the curtains and snuggle
up in front of your favourite
movie.
- Cook a meal for two and share
it bistro-style, complete with
candles, freshly picked flowers
and a bottle of cheap vino!
Money
and value
Arguments about money often mask
more deep-rooted problems, such as an
individual's sense of value or power
within the relationship.
We all need to feel valued as human
beings, but there are times when the
way in which our partner spends money
can make us feel worthless.
- always spend more money on themselves
or friends than on you
- complain regularly about how much
money you spend on yourself
- fail to check if you're all right
for money before spending their spare
cash
- question you on every penny you
spend
Money
and influence
The most successful relationships
tend to be those in which the partners
feel they have equal influence. Arguing
about money may indicate that one of
you feels the other has an unfair advantage.
You may feel this way if, for example,
your partner:
- contributes significantly more than
you to the financial running of the
household
- expects you to account for every
penny you've spent but is secretive
about their own spending
- uses their extra earnings on things
you can't share in any way
- constantly buys you extravagant
gifts and treats, which leave you
feeling indebted
Seeking
help
If any of this rings a bell for
you, find some time when you and your
partner can sit down and talk about
it.
If you find you're just slipping back
into the same old pattern of arguments,
you might want to consider talking it
through with a third person. To find
out more, see Do
you need counselling?
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