Why holidays go wrong
The most common cause of holiday
disasters isn't the weather, the accommodation
or rowdy revellers, but destructive
rows between partners owing to poor
communication about expectations.
Many couples invest huge amounts of
emotional energy as well as money into
their annual holidays, and if things
don't go as planned the feelings of
disappointment can be hard to cope with.
According to Relate, calls to its couples
counselling service increase by up to
30 per cent every September.
Couples experiencing relationship problems,
or those going through a particularly
stressful period, can be tempted to
think that going on holiday will solve
all their problems. But if the holiday
fails to live up to expectations, they
may end up blaming each other and feeling
even worse than before they went away.
Work out what you
want
If you want your holiday to be
a success, you need to think about what
you want to get out of it and agree
some basics with your partner before
you leave.
It's easy to assume you both want the
same thing out of a holiday, but you
may actually have very different ideas
of what it means to relax. One partner
may imagine a week of sunbathing, reading,
long walks along the beach and candlelit
suppers, while the other is looking
forward to scuba diving, visiting the
ancient sites and dancing the nights
away.
The secret to enjoying a great holiday
together is planning and, more importantly,
talking about those plans. The list
of questions below will help you both
think through what you really want.
When you've looked through the questions,
share your answers with each other.
The questions
Getting ready to go:
Who's going to book the holiday, traveller's
cheques, hire car, etc?
Will you need to save money before you
go?
Who'll do the shopping for the holiday,
and when?
Who'll do the packing for the holiday,
and when? If there are children, who'll
do their packing?
Who'll cancel the milk, tell the neighbours,
arrange for the cat to be fed, etc?
Travelling:
Who'll drive?
Will you stop en route? If so, where
and when and what will you do?
Who'll entertain the children on a long
journey?
What will you do to entertain yourselves
if there are long waiting times?
When you're there:
What physical activities would you like
to do and how often?
How would you like to relax and how
often?
How much time will you spend sightseeing?
How much time will you spend shopping
and what's your budget?
How much time will you spend alone together
and how much with other people?
What would you like to do at mealtimes
and is there a budget to stick to?
How often will you talk while you're
away? Are there any subjects you'll
agree to avoid?
Is there anything you definitely don't
want to do on holiday?
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