Ways to make peace The next time you find yourself in an argument with your partner, keep in mind the following tips from relationship psychotherapist so you can bring the conflict to an end swiftly - and peacefully.

In this article

Be self-aware Improve communication

Joint techniques Further help

Abnormal behaviour

It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of relationships. We're all different and where there's difference, there will be disagreement. But when arguing seems to be a way of life and leaves you feeling exhausted, hurt or wondering if you want to stay in the relationship, it's time to call a truce and sort things out.

The first step towards doing this is to understand what you're really arguing about and get an insight into your conflict style. After you've looked at both these areas, you can use some of the techniques below to help you sort things out. Some can be done alone; others need your partner's cooperation.

If there's violence

Violence or threats of violence are never acceptable in a relationship. If arguments are always aggressive, or you avoid conflict because you're scared things may get out of control, you need support. You can contact the Women's Aid helpline free on 0808 200 0247. You can also get further information about domestic violence from our Hitting Home site.

Self-awareness and self-responsibility are the first steps in sorting out and avoiding conflict. It's impossible to make your partner change, but if you change your behaviour they'll almost certainly react differently.

Assume the best - unless you have evidence to the contrary, always give your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Check your conscience - are you arguing because there's something you're avoiding, such as apologising, compromising or forgiving? Make sure you're not fighting to protect your pride.

Think about whether you're being affected by something else - don't underestimate the power of external circumstances. Are you stressed, tired, hormonal or angry about something else?

Be adult - do you tend to slip into behaving like a child, sulking, blaming or being obstinate? Or do you become like a critical parent, condescending, criticising or punishing? An adult is calm and focused, and listens and negotiates.

Own your feelings - your partner can't make you feel something. Your feelings are under your own control. If you're angry, say "I'm angry because...", not "You made me angry."

Good communication is vital to making peace. Often arguments go on and on, just because one or both parties feel they haven't been heard.

The tips below will