Preparation
- Make
a
date
in
advance
to
do
this
exercise.
It
will
take
an
hour.
- Toss
a
coin
to
see
who
speaks
first
and
agree
who'll
keep
time.
- Make
sure
you're
not
going
to
be
disturbed.
- Agree
what
the
two
of
you
will
do
to
relax
after
your
hour
is
up.
Each
partner
gets
30
minutes
to
talk,
while
the
other
partner
gives
their
undivided
attention.
After
the
hour
is
up,
it's
essential
that
you
both
walk
away
and
do
something
else
-
don't
analyse
the
conversation.
In
fact,
agree
not
to
talk
about
it
for
at
least
48
hours.
If
talking
for
a
whole
hour
is
difficult
because
of
other
time
pressures
or
feels
too
long
for
a
first
time,
cut
the
exercise
to
20
minutes
each.
If
you
find
the
exercise
useful,
set
a
regular
date
to
do
it,
taking
it
in
turns
to
talk
first.
Rules
for
the
talker
- You
have
to
take
your
full
30
minutes
even
if
you
run
out
of
things
to
say.
Any
silences
will
give
you
a
chance
to
reflect
on
what
you've
said
and
perhaps
move
on
to
deeper
thoughts.
- Talk
about
whatever's
on
your
mind
-
but
don't
turn
it
into
a
whingeing
session.
- Try
to
talk
only
about
your
feelings
and
opinions
by
starting
sentences
with
'I'.
- If
you're
the
second
person
to
speak,
try
not
to
respond
to
what
your
partner's
just
said.
You
must
talk
about
your
yourself.
Rules
for
the
listener
- Try
to
listen
with
your
whole
self
by
giving
your
partner
100
per
cent
of
your
attention.
- Show
that
you're
listening
with
your
body
language:
maintain
eye
contact,
nod
and
don't
cross
your
arms.
- You
can
ask
for
clarification
if
you
don't
understand
something,
but
not
if
you
disagree.
Don't
share
your
opinions.
- It
may
be
hard
to
keep
quiet
for
that
long,
but
it's
important
to
do
so.
Further
help
If
completing
this
exercise
leaves
you
feeling
uncomfortable
or
you
have
concerns
about
your
relationship,
try
talking
it
through
with
your
partner
or
a
trusted
friend.
Alternatively,
you
might
want
to
consider
seeing
a
relationships
counsellor.
To
find
out
more,
go
to
Do
you
need
counselling?
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