Preparation
Before
trying
this
exercise
it's
worth
having
a
look
at
the
Guidelines
for
exercises.
Make
a
date
in
advance
with
your
partner
to
do
this
exercise.
Be
sure
that
each
of
you
has
enough
time
to
answer
the
questions
individually
before
talking
about
it
together.
If
your
partner's
not
keen,
it's
still
worth
doing
yourself,
as
it
can
help
you
feel
more
confident
about
asking
for
what
you
need.
Before
you
start,
you
may
want
to
read
What
are
you
really
arguing
about?
and
Ways
to
make
peace.
The
exercise
Write
each
of
the
following
questions
on
a
piece
of
paper,
leaving
plenty
of
space
for
your
answers.
- Was
there
anything
else
affecting
me
before
the
argument
started
(for
example,
stress,
anxiety,
anger
at
someone
else,
hormones,
tiredness
or
illness)?
- Were
there
any
reasons
I
may
have
had
for
being
defensive
(guilt,
avoiding
saying
sorry
or
forgiving)?
- Was
there
anything
else
affecting
my
partner?
(for
example,
were
they
tired,
stressed,
feeling
worried
or
upset)?
- What
could
I
have
said
differently
that
would
have
helped
to
diffuse
the
row
(for
example,
using
less
emotive
language,
changing
your
tone
of
voice)?
- What
could
I
have
done
differently
that
would
have
helped
to
diffuse
the
row
(timed
it
differently,
listened
more,
not
been
so
defensive,
been
more
adult,
not
jumped
to
conclusions)?
Once
you've
answered
all
these
questions,
take
some
time
to
share
your
thoughts
with
your
partner
and
talk
about
what
you
can
do
together
to
try
to
avoid
arguing
in
the
future.
Once
you've
got
your
ideas
together,
write
them
down
under
the
heading:
- In
the
future
we
both
agree
to...
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