For many couples the issue of dating other people never comes up, as it is clearly assumed that they will not date outside of their relationship. Virtually all longdistance marriages work under this assumption, as do most of the premarital couples in LDRs. Yet our own research found that about one-quarter of couples in premarital LDRs had agreed to date others during their separation. Their reasons usually involved a lack of companionship, a need for sexual release, or a need to explore other relationships before committing to one person.

I’m often asked how dating other people affects an LDR. Usually people assume that it’s not a very good idea. Unfortunately, the few studies that have examined this question have shown complicated results.

One of our studies looked at this question by following a group of couples in LDRs over a period of six months. At the beginning of the six months, about 25% had agreed to date other people, while another 40% had agreed not to date others. The remaining 35% had never explicitly discussed the ground rules about dating others. At the end of the six months, we found that 30% of the couples who dated others had broken up, while 27% of the couples who dated only one another ended their relationship. Statistically, there was no difference between the two groups. From this study, it seems that for short periods of about six months, it doesn’t matter whether couples choose to date others or not.

We tried to examine this question from another direction by looking at a number of relationships that at one point had been long-distance. We compared relationships that had broken up while they were long-distance to relationships that
had survived the separation and then reunited as planned. Only 15% of LDRs that had dated others survived the separation, while 48% of LDRs who dated only one another ultimately stayed together.

These studies together suggest that for brief periods of time, perhaps six months, dating others has little effect on your chances of staying together in the short run. However, in the long run, dating others may cut your chances of staying together by two-thirds.